We are having a baby!?
By Rita Davidson
No, not us. LOL 🙂
But as I was asked this week, what to say when your having a baby, I thought this answer would make a great post for everyone.
Imagine a young couple, newly married in the Church announces they are having a baby. Such joy reverberates around the family, Facebook and more. A new baby, always brings with it such hope.
Regardless of whether family and friends are Catholic, protestant, atheist or nothing, you can all be assured at least with the first baby they will all be happy.
We’re having a baby! Now baby number two comes, and depending on how long after the first one, you might have a few murmurs and a few concerned looks, but overall, you might get away with it from all your friends and family again after the news settles a bit.
We’re having a baby! Now comes baby number three, and the murmurs have grown to out and out comments, and even snarky remarks. Now the new parents hearts have sunk, not only are they expecting another baby and all the responsibilities of that, but they have seen a fall-away of their loved ones and friends and face the possibility of having no support too.
It is unfortunate, but there is a serious anti-life mentality out there. We expect to see it in secular friends, but when it creeps into our Catholic friends and family, frankly we shudder.
When we were expecting our third child, the disgust from some family members was significant. For some of you it might be with baby number 2. Others you might get to 6 or 7 before you see some real opposition.
As we know, our adolescent faith must slowly grow to full adulthood. Some of us may have already suffered things to help us see our faith in a deeper way. For others, this might be the first time we encounter, such disdain, cruelty, and ignorance.
Hurts like this can go deep, but we must realize that this life is a vale of tears. Our Lord told us if we wish to follow Him we must pick up our Cross. And for some of us, this life is going to be a long one.
As each of our children arrived we have met with some opposition. Even though they were not spaced closely, we still encountered hostility, those ‘looks’, and the overbearing ‘silence’.
That extreme joy, concern and care we get for our first one, eventually drops to barely acknowledgement for our 3rd and 4th.
So when we had our 5th, we decided not to tell anyone. It was just easier. It saved us the looks, hostility and more silence. As we didn’t see family very often, it was easy to just omit the news. Later when I was 7 months pregnant we were invited to a family gathering, and that became our announcement! What an announcement it was! It became our way of distancing ourselves from unsupportive comments and conclusions that people came too! Frankly we can’t answer or please everyone. It is better to save your energy for where it is really needed. Every situation is unique and calls for different ways of handling it, but this is what worked for us. But looking back there are a few key features that apply to all.
So how do be faithful Catholics in an Anti-life world?
1. The most important thing we did, that you can do, is to stop taking it personally. Just because comments are stupid, dangerous, disgusting and hurtful; doesn’t make them true and so why should we be offended?
This seems obvious, but a lot of us get caught up with the emotion of things and do not think clearly. Depending on our temperament we will take it more personally than others. Learning to distance ourselves from personal injuries will help us in every step of our life.
2. The next important thing, is knowing and believing why you are having this baby. Regardless if it was an ‘accident’ (not planned) or planned, for Catholics babies are, well, sent from God when HE chooses! So, even if you have to write down your WHY and read it everyday. The more you stand up for your belief, your faith, your baby the more seriously, others will take you.
3. Lastly, we all know Our Lord has asked us to carry our cross. While we all know this, it is easier said then done. All those sacrifices we taught our children when young are now going to come in handy. (Young moms, are you listening? *Hint, hint – Prepare your children well now!)
We have to remind ourselves, whose side are we on? Are we on God’s side? Is God on our side? If we are on the right side, it is only Him we have to answer too. There is no point in engaging in arguments and giving angry remarks back. Stay calm when comments are made, and don’t allow anyone to upset your calm. Think about Our Lady when she was told she would have a child in complicated circumstances (she wasn’t quite married) did she lose her calm? Speak less and pray more is the most useful advice for any of us.
And thank God that He has found you worthy to bless you with new life again, when so many mothers are desperate to hold a new baby! Thank Him, everyday. Gratitude goes a long way too.
Now LIVE THIS Gratitude daily -Speak less and pray more – everyday as you await your new baby!
Rita Xo 🙂
Rita is a Catholic wife, and mother of seven, with three autistic boys. Currently a writer, & published author, she is a former hairdresser, professional make up artist with a degree in Natural Health. She is now a Young Living Distributor. After overcoming a stroke, disabilities, and more, they recently lost everything in a devastating house fire that made them homeless for six months. She is determined to lead souls back to Christ by carrying their crosses with Joy!
Oh Rita, you are so right. When we announced that we were expecting our sixth child (at Thanksgiving dinner with my parents and siblings), the resounding silence was terrible. I can still “hear” it. Finally, my brother said, “Congratulations!” I said, “Thank you, Steve”. I know they just were afraid I would be overwhelmed because two of our daughters had special needs, but we were happy and I wish they had been happy. My Mom and Dad were wonderful, devout, lifelong Catholics and very supportive parents to their five children. This made me even more puzzled at their response, or lack of it. When we told my sister-in-law, who is a Protestant, she said, “Well, Carole, I think you should have what you want, and this is what you want.” So peoples’ responses can surprise you either way. As parents of larger families, we need to support each other! A friend who has six children, when people tell her she has her hands full, she says, “Yes, full of love”. EVERY BABY IS A BLESSING!!!
Beautiful Carole! I’m so glad this rang a chord with you! I am sure it does with so many today! God bless and give you strength as you welcome God’s blessings into your life!
Rita Xo 🙂