by Rita Davidson
As many of you know we take care of my elderly mother with dementia. This summer will be 2 years since she has been with us. It has been a difficult two years to adapt to how she has declined. Especially how difficult it has been for some of our boys to adjust to her as well. She can no longer talk and so has no communication or very little. She has had the Last Sacraments for which I am so grateful. Did you know our loved ones over 75 can get the Apostolic Benediction Sacramental that will save their souls on their last day? Be sure to ask your priest for this.
But we were pretty shocked the other day at her day program when she was choking and fainted. I posted this later on Facebook.
I nearly lost my mom today. She collapsed from choking on her lunch. Thankfully a brave lady Wanda gave her the Heimlich maneuver and saved her life. After a hospital visit and checkup she’s back home. Never take for granted the time you have with your loved ones…. all she does is smile. ???#dementia #praisegod #familyfirst
Time seems to move in slow motion…just when we want it to move faster. Other times it moves to fast when we need it to slow down. It seemed to take forever to get to the hospital after we got the call. I was prepared to see her in a bad way. I was prepared this might be the beginning of the end. It is hard to take care of our elderly loved ones. I’m not going to lie…we love them so much, but we dislike so much what the illness has taken away from them. It is a battle of the mind really. Sometimes I don’t win that battle you know… There is no right way but God’s way.
But when I walked in and seen her smiling it was surreal. I mean it was such a shock to find her so relaxed and smiling. She is so known for her smile…everyone remarks how sweet she is. I know your thinking the same thing. It’s that smile that really makes it all worthwhile…that little glimmer that helps me know maybe, just maybe a bit of her is still ‘in there.’
I do not know how I will take it when she finally passes. Part of me will be free, to know she has finally made it “home”. The other part of me will be flooded with who she was, how she cared for me when I was young. The ham sandwiches she packed for me at lunch. The dishes she never made me do. The Christmas presents she always had for me and the Birthdays she never forgot. The real her will come flooding back. Some days I think it will swallow up and crush my whole heart in sorrow. Because part of me has said goodbye to that mother already…even though she is still with us.
Dementia has a way of stealing your loved ones from you, while they still live. It is a torture I didn’t know until now.
It has become increasingly difficult to help our boys understand how she has changed. With their autism they can’t see past her exterior to see who she is inside… That is just the sandwich of pain I get from both sides to see their pain and to watch her and suppress my pain. Some days I do not have time to do much else than just exist.
For anyone dealing with dementia my hearts go out to you. May God give you strength for the path ahead and help you to make the right decisions that are so hard. Please pray for us…this, like some other days, are often much harder than we let them out to be. If I wrote about all our hard days, well this blog would never get read! Your prayers are what keeps us going. What gives me hope that we are not suffering for nothing. That our suffering can give you strength to carry your crosses just one more day.
I hope this has helped some of you today. I’ll be back on Monday with my Modest Fashion Week.
With much love,
Rita xxo 🙂
Rita is a Catholic wife, and mother of seven, with three autistic boys. Author, of “Immodesty, Satan’s Virtue” (2001) and speaker, she has a PASSION for making #realcatholicmodesty understood. She is a licensed Hairdresser, and Make Up Pro, Certified Christian Image Stylist. With a degree in Natural Health she enjoys essential oils & Jamberry Nail Wraps. She enjoys making people smile and sharing God’s love with anyone who will listen. After overcoming a stroke, disabilities, they lost everything in a devastating house fire that made them homeless for six months. She is determined to lead souls back to Christ by finding the #realcatholicbeauty in their lives by carrying their cross with JOY!
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