Just when you think you have figured out suffering,
God sends you a curveball.
By Rita Davidson
Just when you think you have figured out suffering, God will send you a curveball. For those whose live has been floating by without nary a cross to suffer, I doubt you will understand this. (I still love you. 🙂 LOL
But for those of you, that life seems to go from one cross to a crisis, to a cross, almost like if they are all connected, (shhh and they are.) this will hopefully this will give you hope.
It started when I was 17, when I found out I was going to be a single mother. Many of you have heard that story so I won’t get into it here. But, suffering has a way of stretching you…oh and that stretching hurts! It’s hard!
You start by ohhing, and complaining and after a few days, (or maybe even more,) you finally remember to Offer it up? Oh, then you feel like a failure since all those past days you forgot to offer it up and feel like you’ve lost all that time. *sigh
Can you relate to that? Disappointing isn’t it?
Once you get your mind aligned and you offer it up, suddenly you get this strength and you smile a little more, though your cross is still there. Suddenly, you can smile through your tears. The world has suddenly become a little brighter for you.
The mist of the morning, is just a little more beautiful than you remember it?
The bird chirping; is just a little brighter than before?
The laughter of your children; just a little sweeter?
How has this change come about? What has really changed? Our focus has changed, that is all. We suddenly aligned ourselves to God’s will and it made all the little things in our life that much brighter. It’s not a miracle, it’s more a result of doing God’s will.
HUMILITY, key to the spiritual life
When we learn to accept Gods will, through gritted teeth at first, it is an act of humility really. It’s awful hard for our pride to accept what we don’t approve of. We don’t like change, upsetting our comfortable life.
I was reminded of this a few days ago, as my health crashed again. The second time; since 2010. So, I fought it. I did what I could to ignore, deny and move forward each day. Then my blood work results came back. My severe anemia was confirmed, and another adrenal crash was evident.
I was worn out, burned out, apathetic, depressed (yes me!) and had no will or energy to do anything. Some of you on my Facebook page, heard me mention “I need a miracle!” This was in the throes of my health crash, trying to re-orient myself.
You’d think I was used to carrying crosses in my life. From a difficult childhood of abuse, Anorexia as a young teen, stroke at 26 years, years of continued poverty, infertility, being misjudged, living with disabilities, depression, anxiety, and a house fire that put us homeless for 6 months. That is just the short list! Oh my!
You’d think I had a lot of practice with all those crosses? But, no matter how many crosses God sends your way, once you get comfortable with one, He will send you a new one, that will be all brand new! Yup, He sure does. And when that happens, your first reaction is, “oh my, this can’t be happening.”
“what will I do?”
And you (ahem…, “I”) spend any number of minutes, hours, days, fretting and agonizing over this ‘ill fitted cross’.
You see we haven’t broken this cross “IN” yet. It’s so hard and such pointy edges, it presses, it’s sharp and tears and is so heavy. The longer we leave God out of it, the more it rubs us the wrong way, presses into sensitive areas, and wears us out mentally and emotionally. You see, God is waiting….
He is waiting for you to say, “God’s will be done in me.”
And then the graces begin to flow. He knows that each cross He sends will be new to us and needs breaking in, like a new shoe. They really are all connected in a beautiful tapestry to mold us into saints. But, that breaking in, doesn’t fully happen until we ‘give it all to Him.’
So, if you have been carrying your crosses all alone. (shhh me too.) J Felt like a failure since you suffer so badly. No worries. God truly understands. When all seems lost, and it inevitably will, that is when you have to lay it (throw it if you must!) all on Him. Pray for strength, courage, pray for a break, even! But, always remember to talk to God. Don’t leave Him out of your life, or out of your suffering. Even when your pain is so bad, like when my headache was so bad from my anemia I couldn’t think last week. Your PAIN IS your PRAYER, if you unite it to HIM.
After two weeks, I am finally feeling a little better. My perspective has come back. I have had to accept I am not ‘wonderwoman’. You know the “I can do it all” attitude. I’ve had all the arguments with God, “how could you have forsaken me?” “O Lord, why”. Well, my cross was realizing I CAN”T do it all.
- That means my new cross is going to bed EARLY. *groan
- Limiting my coffee to ONE cup per day. *groan again.
- Eating BREAKFAST. *okay I knew this one
- Taking breaks more. (hard for us martyr moms eh?) and even treating myself to ‘something’ (that I can afford) LOL 🙂 to take the edge off before I crash again.
- Finding beauty on purpose. Sometimes when your cross is so devastating, like our housefire with all it’s blackness and all we lost, we have to find beauty, ON PURPOSE. Beauty has a way of refreshing the soul, and it is the first thing we forget when we are suffering.
I know some of you are carrying terribly heavy crosses right now. There are no words I can say to make it easier for you, except to BREATHE deeply.
It WILL pass. As soon as you ‘give it all to HIM’ it will suddenly get lighter, and your life will become that much richer, through your tears.
Leave me your comments and prayer requests! It is my honor to pray for you! Xo 🙂
Rita Xo 🙂
©Copyright 2014 Rita Davidson All Rights Reserved.
Rita is a Catholic wife, and mother of seven, with three autistic boys. Currently a writer, & published author, she is a former hairdresser, professional make up artist with a degree in Natural Health. She is now a Young Living Distributor. After overcoming a stroke, disabilities, and more, they recently lost everything in a devastating house fire that made them homeless for six months. She is determined to lead souls back to Christ by carrying their crosses with Joy!