“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”

LoveBearsallThings

“Love bears all things, believes all things,

hopes all things, endures all things”

1 Cor 13:4-7

by Rita Davidson

 

READY – These past few weeks we have been having some very difficult days that you have all been praying for.

I haven’t shared the details yet but have been uplifted by your faithful prayers.

I shared this on my Facebook page, FRIDAY. That was the day we moved my elderly mother into our home. (yes this is my newly done office) She was been recently diagnosed with mild dementia. You can only imagine our heartbreak. After much prayer Mark decided this was best for her. Can’t argue with an amazing husband can I?

gramma room

We have a long story to share but and the time never seemed right until now. Bear with me. 🙂

I have been supporting my mother ever since my dad passed away 10+ years ago. A few years ago we learned she had severe hearing loss for a long time. Because we never knew before, she also developed tinnitus, a condition that often comes with severe hearing loss.

Her Hearing specialist says, Tinnitus is, a “secondary channel of audio information” that can be ringing, buzzing, music, talking. Her tinnitus was the worst of her condition when it was most active since it lead to her being confused by mixed messages coming from her tinnitus. The phone ringing when it wasn’t; the door knocking when it wasn’t, you get the idea.

Living alone only accelerated this and as we tried to manage this, with increasing visits and in home help, we wanted assessments done for her cognitive function.

This was my first encounter of medical personnel that didn’t understand ‘my mother’. So it seemed to be an uphill battle trying to get them to understand her hearing loss difficulties.

When her cognitive function was tested her hearing aids were not working, and so could not get an accurate example of her condition. They didn’t care, but tested her anyway when she could barely hear the questions. Needless to say, I was appalled how little care they demonstrated to get the ‘truth’ about her condition. And not surprised she was diagnosed with mild dementia.

She landed in the hospital, quite by accident actually, and it was there I was told I have to place her in a nursing home. Here I met the anti-life system refusing to acknowledge real geriatric needs and quality of life, through no fault of their own, but simply the narrow-minded training that sees only one answer for everything.

I reluctantly did my homework and visited area nursing homes and prepared for the worse. I BEGGED God through my tears that I would do WHATEVER HE willed if HE would just show me the way. Driving one day to see her, I told Him I would put my EVERY effort toward what needed to be done, as long as I KNEW it was HIS will. I mean what do I KNOW what is best? At this point I held little hope she would escape a nursing home.

In hospital she continued to deteriorate after being given heavy drugs (that she has never taken) and got increasingly aggressive with staff.

Their answer for her sudden aggression? They blamed it on her dementia getting worse, (not on the increasingly strong drugs they were using) when my mother has never shown aggression ever. It was a never ending cycle really trying to assess her needs from what I knew of my mother and trying to understand a system that thinks it is just better to ship them off and be done with them.

It was at this time Mark said to bring her here – well I ran with that. Thinking this might actually work better for all of us in the long run. So here we are today.

If not for my stubbornness, my mother was scheduled to be drugged, in a nursing home today. I think God answered my prayer didn’t He?

Fight for your loved ones my friends. While I LOVE the medical profession for the kind and gentle doctors and nurses and care they give. Our elderly are falling by the wayside because the society has stopped valuing them any longer. The blindness I see when new research is not acknowledged or used is deplorable. How can we make our elderly more comfortable in an increasing anti-life society, who refuses to look at their health status instead of drugs for management?

Through no fault of their own, their only answer to elder care is nursing care, where they are out of sight and out of mind as they wait for them to die. I know many of you have struggled with loved ones like this, from all the comments I got on my Facebook page the day we announced this. My hearts go out to you. <3 Living with three boys with autism has taught me there is always more answers than what we are given if we just are stubborn enough to look. Dementia like autism, is a modern disease that has answers we just haven’t found yet.

While it may be too late for many of you who have lost loved ones already. But for anyone else with a aging parent (who are we kidding we are all aging!), take the time now to look at resources to prevent this from happening or ease the burden of it’s severity. Just a few I have found so far:

  1. Get their hearing checked by a HEARING specialist, not an audiologist. A Hearing aid specialist is what we have. (Hearing clinics have become a multi-million business that can’t customize the care a hearing specialist can)
  2. Get GOOD bloodwork Look for deficiencies in Vitamin D, Folic Acid, B12 to start. Many of which can give symptoms that mimic depression, , memory loss, restless legs and more.
  3. Supplement to build up their immunity and balance missing nutrients.
  4. Good clean diet of GOOD Fats to feed their brains, like coconut oil and bacon. YES BACON! 🙂  Lower the carbohydrates and sugars and be sure they are getting good protein. Remove the chemicals like cola’s and such that we know increase aggression in children with ADHD.
  5. Consider Glutenfree. So many of us are suffering from gluten sensitivity that can increase chances of developing deficiencies that can lead to dementia’s later. The elderly have more difficulty with absorption which is why they have deficiencies and removing gluten can help with inflammation and help with absorption. The earlier you do this the better.
  6. If you can take on their care be sure to get all the help you need. It won’t be easy but with help it will keep burnout from growing. If you don’t have family to help, see what programs are available in your area. Keep asking, googling. and praying! God will find answers for you.

We hope to see improvements with my mother now that she is under our care. So far, after three days home with us, not one bit of aggression shown, that they said was her dementia decline. (Heavy meds are gone). NO anxiety, they said she had this from her dementia too.

She is happy to be here and loves to fold our laundry and drink coffee. (at least I got her decaf!) 🙂

Thank you for you prayers as our family as we make this transition. I pray this will help some of you facing this as well. Plan ahead even if your parents are younger to protect them from this disease that is taking away so many of our parents at an alarming rate.

Just like we must be prolife for the unborn, we must be prolife for the elderly.

“Love bears all things, believes all things,

hopes all things, endures all things”

Who else can care for them except those that love them and owe them; “Honor Thy Mother and Father” ?

Please let me know if you are caring for elderly parents.

With love,

Rita xo 🙂

 

Rita summer 2015Rita is a Catholic wife, and mother of seven, with three autistic boys.  Author, of “Immodesty, Satan’s Virtue” (2001) and speaker, she has a PASSION for making #realcatholicmodesty understood. She is a licensed Hairdresser, and Make Up Pro with a degree in Natural Health who enjoys essential oils. She enjoys making people smile and sharing God’s love with anyone who will listen. After overcoming a stroke, disabilities, they lost everything in a devastating house fire that made them homeless for six months. She is determined to lead souls back to Christ by finding the #realcatholicbeauty in their lives by carrying their cross with JOY!

 

 

Comments 5

  1. Hello Rita. I really enjoyed your story even if the content was difficult. Although my mother had different issues, I spent two years at home with her before she died unexpectedly. It was not easy for my husband as we had not been married all that long, but he came around and was very kind to my mother. My mother has been gone now for two years now and I am so grateful that I was with her to the very end. As challenging as things may become for you and your family, rest assured that you are doing God’s will.

    1. Post
      Author

      Thank you Gail,
      I’m so glad you enjoyed this post about my mother. That is a very touching story you have. I can see by having our elderly parents home with us how it opens our hearts to more compassion and empathy that we would not have in any other way. Almost like God designed this for families so we could all grow in charity as our parents age and more patience is needed.
      Thank you so much for sharing and God bless you,
      with love,
      Rita xo 🙂
      Author of the bestselling, “Immodesty, Satan’s Virtue” (2001) saved from the ashes, returns in 2015!

  2. Rita, what a wonderful telling of your ‘situation’ with your mom.
    Thank you for sharing. Thank you for the information.
    And HOW did you find a Hearing Specialist that is not an audiologist????
    Thank you! ((hug))
    Prayers continue for your now-expanded family under your one roof.

    1. Post
      Author

      Hello Deborah,
      Thank you so much for your patience in writing. 🙂 And so glad this was a help to you.
      Now I have to say it must have been just God’s grace that found this man for us but he has really been a blessing.
      You can see his website here – Corrected website now! http://pauldunlophearingservice.com/
      maybe his website might give some clue to what to look for?
      He is 82 years old and was trained 30 years ago, and has a much greater understanding of the development of the ear, how the ear is connected to the brain and so on.
      But I would stay away from the ‘chain’ ones that have popped up everywhere that have very limited knowledge and are more of a retail establishment to sell the hearing aids (which are quite costly!) Look also for length of time in business, go for 20 years or more.
      This man, for example, was willing to give my mother hearing aids (at NO COST) just so she didn’t have to go longer without them.
      I hope this is of some help to you. Ears are so very important as we age to keep us connected to the world and our memories!
      God bless,
      Rita 🙂
      Author of the bestselling, “Immodesty, Satan’s Virtue” (2001) saved from the ashes, returns in 2015!

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