When the Sadness is too much

By Rita Davidson

I can remember the day so vividly, rushing clumsily through our sleepiness to get from our smoke filled rooms to the fresh air outside. We didn’t realize we would never enter there again. We were dumbfounded where all this smoke was coming from in our sleep? So thankful to be outside in the fresh air we tried to blink the sleep from our eyes. It was only as we stepped back away from the house that we saw the incredible menace. Looking at our home, as it choked on the thick, swirling, black smoke.

As we pulled back even more we see that same thick, black smoke forcefully, billowing out from two upper windows. It was only 5 minutes later when windows started to burst. By this time we were sitting on the hard gravel side of the road across the street. Neighbors had started arriving and the first of the fire trucks were starting to attack this beast. But it had a life of it’s own that day when the wind cooperated and gave it new life and the water ran out.

The gravel was stiff under me, with only a petticoat and t-shirt on me from my sleep, I felt naked in more ways than just clothes. I looked at our sons, who just minutes before, left the house with us and looked back at the door we came out – it was covered in flame. I hugged them all the closer, taking in the smell of Liam’s hair, my sons, my life; THANK YOU.

My heart reached out for God at that moment, but with no words, it was then I realized our house didn’t have a chance. In an instant, our life, our entire memories shattered. WHO I was now felt naked. Everything I ever associated with who I was got stripped from me that day. I was lost, like a blank slate now. I didn’t have much to say to God my mind was still grasping at the enormity of the flames that were climbing higher into the sky and the trees that were burning.

Through my pain, I formed words, I cried, “Father, Oh God, what will we do now?”

The sky turned black on this once bright sunny day and we had no idea what effort it would take, the next 18 months to recover. All we could think of was that moment, that day. There was no looking at tomorrow then.

How do you go back to your life after such a tragedy? Where do you pick up the pieces and how do you know which ones to leave at rest? How do we avoid blaming God for such a loss?

Oftentimes it is fighting for “our will” that causes us so much pain. Instead of being the spectator in our life and letting God show us the way.

Just the other day God sent me another piece to our puzzle. Yes, I’m still collecting those, “Breadcrumbs from God”. Sometimes he almost tries to rub it in. Remind us of that pain again. As we sat at August’s birthday party I put on the song “I See Fire” for him, from the second Hobbit movie.

Having listened to this song a few times before; it now suddenly held me riveted with new meaning. Tears threatened to start streaming as I listened to the words. Looking up the words and date online, this song was released only a few months after our fire. It could have been written as a soundtrack to that day of July 19, 2013. Just a few words changed here or there, it describes so well the emotion and the tragedy we felt that day. (You can see it below).

Why God waited until now to reveal yet another piece to our story? Perhaps 18 months later I can see how this fits in more with God’s will for us that day. That,

“if we should die tonight
We should all die together
Raise a glass of wine for the last time
Calling out father oh”

God could have let us all perish together that day. The important thing is HE didn’t. He had a reason to save us and all that matters is that HIS WILL is done. How many of us know if we will even see another Christmas?

I hear so many people who can’t understand why God would do this to them? So many people don’t understand why God sends them suffering.

All those New Years resolutions you started and abandoned. The New year is not lost yet. YOU are not lost yet! What will save your soul in an emergency, if you can’t get through the crosses He sends each day?

I have listened to so many of you, carrying such heavy crosses. And I am so excited to share with you a new program I have been working on behind the scenes. It was the only way I could share with you the lessons I have learned how to build habits NOW that will carry you through the hardest crosses LATER. Whether you have a brand new cross or just need some gentle reminders, I hope you will be able to join me, as I share with what has helped me so much when God sends us too much sadness.

JOIN ME HERE!

“I SEE FIRE” from The Hobbit

Oh, misty eye of the mountain below
Keep careful watch of my brother’s souls
And should the sky be filled with fire and smoke
Keep watching over Durin’s sons

If this is to end in fire
Then we should all burn together
Watch the flames climb high into the night
Calling out father oh stand by and we will
Watch the flames burn auburn on
The mountain side high

And if we should die tonight
We should all die together
Raise a glass of wine for the last time
Calling out father oh
Prepare as we will
Watch the flames burn auburn on
The mountain side

Desolation comes upon the sky

Now I see fire
Inside the mountain
I see fire
Burning the trees
And I see fire
Hollowing souls
I see fire
Blood in the breeze
And i hope that you’ll remember me

Oh, should my people fall then
Surely I’ll do the same
Confined in mountain halls
We got too close to the flame
Calling out father oh
Hold fast and we will
Watch the flames burn auburn on
The mountain side

Desolation comes upon the sky

Now I see fire
Inside the mountains
I see fire
Burning the trees
And I see fire
Hollowing souls
I see fire
Blood in the breeze
And I hope that you’ll remember me

And if the night is burning
I will cover my eyes
For if the dark returns then
My brothers will die
And as the sky is falling down
It crashed into this lonely town
And with that shadow upon the ground
I hear my people screaming out

And I see fire
Inside the mountains
I see fire
Burning the trees
I see fire
Hollowing souls
I see fire
Blood in the breeze

I see fire (fire)
Oh, you know I saw a city burning out
And I see fire (fire)
Feel the heat upon my skin
And I see fire (fire)
Uhhhhhhhhh
And I see fire
Burn auburn on the mountain side

 Songwriters
SHEERAN, EDWARD CHRISTOPHER

 Published by
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

Lyrics from http://www.metrolyrics.com/i-see-fire-lyrics-ed-sheeran.html

©Copyright 2015 Rita Davidson & Little Flowers Family Press All Rights Reserved.

Rita is a Catholic wife, and mother of seven, with three autistic boys. Currently a writer, & published author, she is a former hairdresser, professional make up artist with a degree in Natural Health. She is now a Young Living Distributor. After overcoming a stroke, disabilities, and more, they recently lost everything in a devastating house fire that made them homeless for six months. She is determined to lead souls back to Christ by carrying their crosses with Joy!