When God says “NO”

By Rita Davidson

“Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen”

We mouth these words over and over again for our latest request. Have you ever prayed for something so badly you can almost taste it? Your heart is just breaking trying to get God to hear your plea? How about that prayer you say over and over again for days, weeks, months, or years with no answer? Do you feel that God is even hearing you? He sure can seem silent sometimes…

After living homeless for 6 months and moving six times in six months, we were so happy to get settled back here. As many of you know we lost our home, business and van in a devastating house fire that left us homeless for 6 months in 2013.

I think some of that day still hasn’t really settled in. I mean I knew my head was thick…but..well sometimes our minds can only absorb bits at a time when such a tragedy happens. Thank goodness God plans it that way.

We did all we could to get back to our land. It was the only thing that made sense at the time. Being estranged from home, everyday the boys reminded us “they just want(ed) to go home” It was this terrible longing to get back to something familiar. So powerful it was on our minds everyday. We tried and tried and tried, always looking for the “breadcrumb signs” that God was sending us to light our path.

First we thought we could raise enough to start building, we hooked up with a builder who gave us a great price on a pre-built home, but as days turned into weeks, when one fundraiser failed and another didn’t pan out, we knew it was not going to work.

We wracked our brains until they were tired, what our next step would be. Talking to our friends who became our trusty advisors. They brought clarity to our confusion. By now many weeks had passed and we were already moved to our next destination from our campsite to a cabin. We were sad to see the campsite go. The boys had loved the open space there but it was time to move on.

So now we settled into the cabin, not far from the campsite. It was beautiful and quiet compared to the bustle of the campsite. Almost too melancholic; after a tragedy like ours. I prayed to God, “please just get us home for Christmas”. And continued to pray that everyday so badly I could taste it. But we made the best of it.

Our next step, we found a little house to move. We had to try to move it here. That seemed all set, price was right, mover was set, the end seemed in sight. Amen! Then the movers backed out and that idea swiftly fell apart.

Now we were heading into late Fall, and the first snow was appearing. “Dear God,” I asked as I looked up at the sky, “please get us home for Christmas.”

When you really reduce your needs, you realize all we need is four walls and a roof to keep the weather out. Again it becomes agony as you stretch your brain to see ‘how can I get just four walls and a roof”?

As a last resort we looked up mobile home trailers. We made some phone calls and plans to go down. With one of our trusted advisors we went down to see these trailers and picked one that would work. We moved it here beginning of December to the joy of everyone. Here was some progress, finally! Thank you God!  I was dreaming of a white Christmas bundled up in this trailer back home…

But time kept ticking, as we waited for permissions and more, the ground was freezing more everyday. It had no power or heat. We had to get trenches dug to hook up our septic and power line…but the first one who tried to dig the ground failed. Now we were just 2 days before Christmas. I was crushed. By now we were sitting in our first motel with all the belongings we could carry with us after leaving the cabin. I knew right then, God was keeping us from our home for Christmas. I could feel it in my bones. The struggle was gone. I was crushed again…but oh so tired of the struggle. It was not meant to be. I fought the cross.

All I wanted was to curl up in a ball and forget where I was. But, as a mother I knew I had to do better than that. Our boys needed a Christmas! So badly, after all they suffered. I had to swallow my pride , my defeat and do something so they would have something to remember.

So I called up another large hotel and asked them if they would put them up for Christmas so we could put up a tree, Christmas dinner and a real Christmas for the boys. They invited us over that afternoon and by supper we were moved in!

Now we had a lavish, 1000 square foot apartment suite to spend our Christmas. It was a sad irony, that we were struggling so much to get four walls and a roof to live, and here we were in a fancy 1000 square foot hotel room. God has a sense of humor sometimes.

Fast Forward to today. Soon after we moved back, we were denied a mortgage to build, so we were forced to leave this place too. So the wandering began again.

We have been looking for a place after a broker said she find us a small amount of funds to buy. The first place we found we lost before we had a chance to make an offer. We’ve been agonizing over listings and drive by place after place looking for the privacy and space we need. A sign this is the place God is calling us too. Those four walls and a roof.

The last one we found was so perfect. The privacy, and size, the location, the “breadcrumbs from God” lighting the way.

We put an offer on it. Then we waited!

Oh the agony, the excitement, the worry.

Then more offers came in, and we put in another offer. But it was not meant to be. After all the time and effort put into trying to get this place, we were outbid by another. Back to looking again, God where do you want us? Where shall we go?

You see, God often says no doesn’t He? I mean all my pleas went on deaf ears really. We just wanted to go home, but He wanted us to feel ‘homeless’ on Christmas eve, just like His parents did. It was a feeling of desolation I wasn’t prepared for.

He stalled that just long enough to stretch out our cross. “Will you carry it?” He asked. I finally did, but begrudgingly at first.

“No not now little one” He speaks to us. We pout and cry, but ‘why?’. He knows why, a million more reasons than we could understand. We just have to Trust that He knows best. And He does.

We cannot see what God sees, we cannot understand His ways. All we can do is Trust that He is guiding us, that He is in control and desires what is best for us. When we can finally rest in His peace, we will stop struggling so much with “why?”.

So when you are agonizing over your “why” I hope you remember our struggle, and remember that God has a plan for us, that He just hasn’t revealed yet. We must watch for the ‘breadcrumbs from God to light our way’.

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God bless you all,

 With love,

Rita Xo 🙂

©Copyright 2014  Rita Davidson All Rights Reserved.

Rita is a Catholic wife, and mother of seven, with three autistic boys. Currently a writer, & published author, she is a former hairdresser, professional make up artist with a degree in Natural Health. She is now a Young Living Distributor. After overcoming a stroke, disabilities, and more, they recently lost everything in a devastating house fire that made them homeless for six months. She is determined to lead souls back to Christ by carrying their crosses with Joy!